I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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