dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
