what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
