He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
