she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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