Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
