I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
