i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
