i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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