Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
