Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
