That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
