Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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