i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
