he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
