I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
