I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
