Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
