We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
