wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
