Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
