Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
