you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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