I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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