I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
