I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
