I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
