i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
