guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
