u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
