either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
