this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
