somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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