I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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