Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize