Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
