I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You are a genius and a whore.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
