Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
