Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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