The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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