Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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