I cannot find my penis.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
