I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
my poor anus
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
