M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
