you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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