i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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