I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
