Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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