ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
