OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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